The Blog

What it Means to Be a Successful Parent: Weighing In on the Apples Seeds

02/06/2013 By Nancy Borg With 5 comments

apple_optGrowing up with “do as I say, not as I do” was confusing. When I think back to my childhood (boy, am I’m aging myself), I can remember my parents smoking cigarettes, but forbidding me to ever try; I recall their using inappropriate language but threatening to wash my mouth out with soap if I ever did.  Don’t get me wrong, my parents did a stellar job in raising my brother and I, and we had a wonderful childhood, but perhaps they weren’t paying attention to the fact that we were indeed watching.

We understood at a young age that we shouldn’t model their bad behaviors because the natural instinct for any parent was to protect their children from harm’s way.  They only wanted the best for us, but as children, we only wanted to grow up and be just like them.  So we absorbed it all; a blend of both good and bad traits.

When my children were small, sugary cereals and snacks, fast food, and carbonated drinks were daily indulgences for all of us.  Twinkies, devils dogs, and Hostess cupcakes were family favorites. I reflect back with tremendous remorse (and huge dental bills to show for it) and question myself if it was ignorance, bad parenting, or both.  But in my defense, health and nutrition were not held to the high standard that they are today, and back then every kid seemed to be romping along in happy candy land, on a perpetual sugar high. It was a repeat of my own childhood.

Now with the trendy rise of wellness and fitness consciousness, I have noticed a new generation of parents who are paying closer attention to healthy living. No more apple juice, soda, white bread, or unhealthy snacks.  But they too, are making healthier choices, and living more wholesome lives.  They are leading by example.

The ultimate challenge of  successful parenting is being a positive role model for our children through our actions, because they really do speak louder than words.  Instilling good values is so important but we must demonstrate them, not merely preach them. Teaching them to think for themselves, to make mistakes and learn from them, and be accountable for their actions are only some of the key ingredients for their success.  These are sustaining life skills that they will utilize as they navigate through the world.  Our objective is to prepare them for the many challenges they will face by providing them with the proper tools.

Undoubtedly, parenting is one of the most difficult roles we take on.   There are no tutorials or standard manuals, and there are certainly no guarantees that great parents produce great kids. 

There is no such thing as the “perfect” parent, but if we remember that our children are paying attention and receiving behavioral cues all the time,  perhaps we can modify some of the bad habits they are apt to inherit. Here are some pitfalls; 

  • If you’re a bit messy and your clothes are strewn all over, don’t be surprised that your kids aren’t putting their toys away. It’s not their fault their things don’t have proper homes, it’s yours. Teach them about the benefits of being organized.  It’s an essential tool they will utilize the rest of their lives.
  • If you’re generally harried, disorganized, and struggle with punctuality, your kids are likely to miss the bus or be late for scheduled appointments. Or worse,  just struggle with time-management in their adult lives.
  • If you are a compulsive couch potato, perhaps your child will also prefer TV over other activities.  Likewise, the avid reader will most likely encourage their children to enjoy reading too. Monkey see, monkey do.
  • If you are not eating healthy or exercising regularly, they probably will be less inclined to do so for themselves.
  • If you don’t recruit your family to help and share household responsibilities, they will not learn these skills.
  • If you don’t use kind words and manage your temper, don’t expect your children to respect others.  Don’t be shocked if they don’t play nicely with others.
  • If you don’t set parameters, the lack of discipline might impact their adult life.

 

Unquestionably, “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”  Children are so impressionable, so impress them. You are their role models so model good behavior.  Lead by example.  Plant those good habit seeds early, they will blossom well.

Influence.  The goal is to nurture and protect your child, yet foster independence and self-esteem.  Teach them well, love them hard, and they will thrive.  As parents, one of the most gratifying jobs is to aid them in reaching their fullest potential.  If you can do that, your work is done.  You will have succeeded.

How would you measure success in your children?  Ever wonder what kind of parents your children will grow up to be? Hmm…that could be very telling.

At the end of the day, it doesn’t make a difference whether our kids turn out to be exact mini versions of ourselves, happy hybrids, or completely unique.  It only matters that they’re good apples.  And the secret to that my friends,  is all in the seeds.

 

 

 

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Are You a Compulsive Shopper?

01/31/2013 By Nancy Borg With no comments yet

shopaholic_optCan you go shopping without actually buying? Do you tend to buy the first thing you see?  Do you merely shop, just to shop?

Despite the compromised economy, people are still shopping.  The levels may vary, but there are notably all different kinds of shopping going on.  No doubt about it, shopping is a favorite pastime.  People love to shop.  It’s a validation that we’re doing OK, and it gives us pleasure to indulge ourselves. It feels good to buy something new.  But we must set limits or addiction can easily ensue.

Sometimes we shop with purpose and motive, and so our purchases are intentional and gratifying.  Other times, shopping can mean merely browsing with no specific expectation at all.  You know that kind of day… when we meander into a store looking for absolutely nothing in particular. That’s the day when we are badgered by the pushy salesperson, grit our teeth and politely respond with a “just looking, thank you.”

The “shop & return-er” is a victim of indecisive purchasing and can frequent the stores on a daily basis because they struggle with making decisions.  And then there’s the shopper that loves to “shop around ” which suggests they’re being smart educated consumers who typically research everything prior to any purchase.

The compulsive shopper and the impulsive shopper can be more problematic.  I think that compulsive shopping differs from impulsive shopping.  Can you make the distinction?

The average middle-income compulsive shopper may be struggling with deeply rooted obsessive addictive behaviors. Make no mistake about it, it is costly and dangerous and likely to place one in severe debt. Especially for those who spend more than they can afford and struggle with compulsive acquiring, seeking professional help is highly recommended.

If you are an impulsive shopper, your purchases may apt to be more rash. These decisions are often made with little or no thought.   How many times have you veered off track and purchased something for yourself, while shopping for another person? As for me?…too many times to count, really.  Guilty as charged.  Generally speaking (very), an average impulsive shopper can usually afford their indulgences.  And if regret weighs too heavy in hindsight, the item is usually returned without much issue.  Oops… change of heart, no biggie.

So what kind of shopper are you? Can you leave a shopping mall empty-handed?

If you’re up for the challenge, here’s the ultimate test in self-control.

  • Try strolling through the mall, spritz a new fragrance on your wrist and take pleasure in it for the rest of the day, without buying it.  Eliminate the regretful purchase.  If you still love it when you get home, you can purchase it another day.
  • Walk into Brookstone and sit yourself on every massage chair and play with all the latest gadgets, and walk away from the temptation of buying the latest technology. That’s a trap that keeps on luring.
  • Try on a piece of clothing because you admire it or just want to try it on, not because you have to own it.
  • Browse the stores for great gift ideas for a future occasion and avoid the crunch time of finding the perfect gift when you need to.
  • Walk away from bargains.  When tempted with sale items, don’t be lured into buying more just because they’re on sale.
  • Be mindful of over- acquiring perishable products at stores like Costco.  It can easily defeat the purpose of the sale because the expiration dates often beat out the inventory.

Shopping does not have to mean purchasing.  It can still be a fun activity without breaking the bank or even having to take out your wallet. You can still appreciate, discover, admire, and find joy without the need to acquire it.  Affordability is not always the real issue.  Just because you can afford it, doesn’t mean you should buy it.  Contemplate, prior to purchasing and ask yourself:

  • Do I really need it?
  • Can I afford it?
  • Do I have something just like it at home already?
  • Do I have room for it? /where is it going to live in my house?

 

No matter what your financial status is, it is always wise to be cognizant about how we spend, and what we buy.  The fact is that there is a potentially infinite amount of things to purchase in this world, but we should remember that there is not an unlimited amount of space in our homes to accommodate them.  There cannot be an endless parade of incoming without the natural flow of outgoing.

So when you shop, just be smart. Buy better, not necessarily more. Happy shopping! Would love you to share your thoughts and your bargains 🙂

 

 

 

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The Social Phenomenon That Can Impede on Your Vacation

01/18/2013 By Nancy Borg With no comments yet

man-plugged-in-on-beach-300x199_optAre you one of those?  You know, the ones that can never disconnect from their cell phones, blackberries, laptops, or iPad?  The operative word is never.  The social phenomenon of being connected to our personal and professional worlds, 24/7, is part of our pop culture.

The job spill dilemma is the most challenging of all. If your’e always connected, you can never really disengage when you’re on vacation or relaxing on a beach somewhere.  Isn’t the point of a vacation to enjoy a “get-a-way?”  Can you resist the pull and self-impose a disconnect? The job will be there upon your return, so make the most of your time away from it.  Stay in that moment while it lasts.

If you really want to get the greatest benefit from your vacation, try reading a great novel, engage in any physical activity that you don’t normally do, or take a nap. Defy the temptation to hook up with your work-related life.  Don’t be a victim just because the hot spots are there because you know then you’ll feel compelled to connect.  It is the ultimate exercise in self-control.  It’s difficult to ignore the lure of the Internet, but it will still be there when you get home and so will Face Book, Twitter, your Inbox, etc.

How we manage our leisure time correlates to how we balance our lives.  Social media may be an addicting phenomenon, but we can control it by making choices.  This is the ultimate exercise in time-management. Maybe connect once a day, or check e-mails every other, or not at all.  You choose. We all like to think that we are indispensable, but life still goes on in our absence.

Focus on reducing the brain clutter, re-direct the barrage of thoughts spiraling through your brain. Allow yourself to slow down, drift off, and feel the calm.

It’s hard to remember a time when weren’t connected to our technology.  I can remember when leaving the office really meant leaving the work behind.  Ahhh….vacation.   Take it and run.  Let go. Relax. Escape. Disconnect.  Can you do it?

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Are You Getting a Sustainable Return on Your Savings?

01/09/2013 By Nancy Borg With no comments yet

Nope, I’m not talking about the green stuff in the bank. I’m talking about the “other“ stuff you are saving;  the stuff you are holding onto because you can’t seem to let it go.

If you are thinking about saving things that you might use one day, or holding onto clothing you might wear someday…think again, it’s not happening.

Someone else can certainly benefit from them now, so let them go. Be philanthropic and donate to a charity of your choice.

If you are a parent and you’re thinking about saving stuff for your kids, thinking they might want it…think again. Generally speaking, (and I don’t mean to offend the exception to the rule), chances are great that your adult children don’t want your old stuff, they have their own.

Trust me, I’ve learned from personal experience, and I’m just passing on the harsh reality. I too, had been guilty of  justifying hanging on to random clutter that served no one. So do yourself a favor and evaluate your savings.

Are you enjoying them? Are you reaping any great rewards from them?

If your treasures are sitting in a box on an inaccessible shelf somewhere, or buried in a drawer, or tucked away in a dusty attic, how valuable are they really?

Let’s say you have old cherished items that cannot necessarily be used, but still give you significant pleasure when you look at them. Viewing them daily can bring you great joy, so display them with pride.  If it’s frame-able, frame it.  If not, “think outside the frame.” There are so many creative ways to re-purpose sentimental memorabilia.

Let go of the hobby that never sustained the passion and toss its stuff.  If you still have… an assortment of dried up paint and hardened brushes; rusty tools; or crafts sets lacking key components; old puzzles that may be missing pieces (who’s got the time to count?); time to bid them farewell too.

Or better yet, while weeding through your life’s clutter, perhaps you’ll make a new discovery and be inspired to “re-invest” in that old dream. Maybe you forgot you even had some good usable stuff.  Imagine re-activating the old clutter into a new enjoyable active pastime! Now that would be a great save with a unique twist, don’t you think?

Either way, save the stuff that brings you joy as you live your life TODAY.

Take the time to check out what’s hiding in your closets, attic, basement, or garage and evaluate the “why” of saving it.  Don’t save the old stuff unless the returns are great. Discriminate trash from treasure. The old roller skates are obsolete now, and you know that no one in your family will ever use them or want them.  So take a pic, and let them go.

Love your stuff that matters now. Don’t box it, enjoy it. Go for the sustainable rewards of keeping it.  Now that’s what I call a priceless investment.  But that’s just me.  What about you?

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Got PTHD? How to Remedy Post Traumatic Holiday Disorder

01/02/2013 By Nancy Borg With no comments yet

There is a noteworthy measure of some good, bad, and ugly at the end of one year and the beginning of a new one.  The good is that the chaos of the holidays are finally over. The bad is that the holidays are finally over, and you have to wait an entire year til next Xmas season. The ugly is the mess you are left to clean up.

For starters, the Christmas tree has to come down, the lights put away, the ornaments need to be boxed up, the wrapping paper and accompaniments need to be organized.  And I’m sure there are still random presents that need to be returned or exchanged.

Where did all the joy go?  Did yours peak at Christmas and take a huge nose dive after the New Year?

It is understandable and likely that many of us suffer from what I call, Post Traumatic Holiday Disorder.  We can all admit to feeling somewhat of a void after such a concentrated month of jubilation.  But perhaps, we should look at it in another way.  Take this time to pause and reflect.  Be grateful that you had a holiday and were able to celebrate it. The parties may be over but the memories live on forever, and hopefully you took the pics to commemorate them.  Even all good things must come to an end.

Give yourself a little break to catch your breath, re-organize and reboot…and then back to business as usual.

Do your best not to wallow in the sorrow of the end of a year and concentrate on the beginning of a new one.  Start fresh.

Look forward to the possibilities of new opportunities that lie ahead in the coming new year.

Focus on that.  Find a hopeful spirit.  It can be rejuvenating and motivating.  It can engulf you.  Let it.  It just might be the fix you’ll need to fight the blues until that first bloom of Spring.

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New Year Resolutions That Stick

12/26/2012 By Nancy Borg With 3 comments

The holiday’s may be over, but its afterglow is all abounding.  Our bellies are full and our hearts are grateful.  But we still have one more party to hurdle…  ushering in the New Year.  Time to reflect, evaluate, and perhaps change.

But do your New Year’s Resolutions seem redundant year after year? Something like; eat healthier? Lose weight? Join a gym? Save more money? Give up all your bad habits?

As if our lives aren’t stressful enough, why must we conclude the year with an endless list of personal promises and lofty goals that are unlikely to be all fulfilled?

Granted, it serves us good to at least write a list of what we hope to accomplish, but who really needs the added pressure of such a dubious pledge?  I’m all for reflection and resolution, but doable trumps all.

We all have good intentions of course, but if we’re finding ourselves reaching for repetitive goals every year, perhaps we should tailor them to be more practical.  And maybe, just maybe, we’re throwing too many ideas into the pot.  Beginning a brand new calendar year can be motivating and yet tempting to re-invent ourselves. 

It is improbable that we can fix everything that is lacking in ourselves in one year.

Too often, this is why New Year resolutions fail. Don’t set yourself up for defeat.  Avoid making such a long list of impossible dreams.  Look to manage stress this year, not create more.  It’s a great time to focus on all facets of your life; personal, family, business, etc. and evaluate it thoughtfully.

Prioritize your goals and go after the important ones.  Realize what did not work so well this past year and make the necessary improvements.  Better to do one thing well, than a lot of mediocre.

Or…

STOP making specific resolutions altogether.  Simply start living a better life by just doing more.

Here’s some easy ways to start;

  • Keep learning more
  • Be kind-er than you were last year
  • Be more grateful for what you have
  • Live a healthi-er life than you did last year
  • Smile more
  • Laugh often
  • Love more
  • Be more positive

 

If this sounds a bit cliche, don’t overlook the significance of these simple and pleasurable objectives.  They are attainable. You can of course opt out of any of these, and find your own creative ways to make life better than it was last year.

An overall positive outlook is a great instigator for productive change, and that attitude alone, will inspire you to get closer to your aspirations.  If nothing else, striving to be more organized  (sorry, couldn’t resist) will provide you with the focus you need to affect this change.

Happy New Year to all! Rejuvenate. Time to turn the page.  How are you going to make this next year better?

 

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The Key to Smart Holiday Shopping

12/18/2012 By Nancy Borg With no comments yet

So much to do with so little time? On a limited budget with an endless gift list? Regardless of income, purchasing holiday gifts can be doable and less stressful if you exercise effective time-management.  Things change from year to year, but the one thing that should remain as a standard imperative is organizing your holiday goals.

Whether it be party planningor gift shopping, making lists and committing to them is still one of the best ways to focus during a harried holiday season.   Don’t leave home without it!

Shopping any retail store at this time of year can be overwhelming. The sensory overload sucks you in; the twinkling lights, ringing bells, and piped in Xmas songs resounding everywhere are intoxicating.  This is designed to overwhelm you and divert you away from any real focus.  Intentional for the unprepared consumer.

At first, the holiday music does exude a certain welcomed measure of glee. I admit that it puts me in a good mood, but after continuous weeks of shopping, the incessant melodies can become unnerving. (It’s not just me, I hear this from the salespeople that have to endure it all day!) But it works like magic. It lures the crowds and feeds the frenzy.

Warning: If you have don’t have a specific person in mind on a list, you will find yourself roaming aimlessly for hours and most probably exit, confused, distraught, and empty-handed.

Go home, make a list. Jot down the friends, family, etc. for whom you need to buy gifts for, estimate how much you’re going to spend for each, and carry it with you so you can refer to it while shopping.  Have an agenda and destination in mind (on paper, or on a smart phone) before you go shopping.

This may sound unnecessarily elementary, but without a list, you can get easily distracted and side-tracked and perhaps be in danger of buying something you don’t need. If you stay on task, you won’t be shocked when the credit card bills arrive because YOU managed it.

Being prepared and organized will guide you and prevent you from getting in over your head. This ought to be a joyful time, so do your best to make it so. Make it a joy, not a job. Be merry, not stressed.

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What Everbody’s Thinking This Holiday Season

12/16/2012 By Nancy Borg With no comments yet

In light of Hurricane Sandy and the recent massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary School, I think we are all struggling with being jolly. There are families overcome with unimaginable grief while others are immersed in holiday shopping. How can we wrap our minds around this?  We yearn to feel cheerful while partaking in the holiday spirit, and yet many of us find it difficult to make sense of it all.

We’ve watched the victim’s families gather as one, relying on their respective faiths to get them through.  We cannot pretend to understand how they feel, yet our hearts are breaking too.  Our prayers and thoughts can support, but helping them move on from this? How can they?

For those families that are fortunate to have other children spared from the shooting, they will go on.  They must.  They are strong. We hope our prayers console their pain. And for the rest of us shocked by the tragedy, we have all been touched in some way.  It’s every parent’s nightmare, but it is also any person’s nightmare.

As we celebrate this holiday season, we have every more reason to be grateful for our children and family members that we love.  The focus of the holiday has now shifted.  The hugs and kisses are the only gifts that matter.

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Are You Too Busy For Your Own Good?

12/13/2012 By Nancy Borg With 1 comment

Everybody’s busy.  Who do you know that is not busy?  It’s the new normal.  Just ask anyone, “how are you?” and I’ll bet they’ll reply with a “good,” and add a boastful “busy.” It has become an aspired status that implies heightened productivity and success.  But we must pay attention to our individual capacities and be mindful when we reach our max. Too busy can be counterproductive and unhealthy.

Especially this time of year, we all have so much on our plates.  As if we had any extra time, the holidays just wring us dry of whatever spare time we might have.  But take note…there is good busy and bad busy.

The good busy is immersing yourself in the holiday festivities in a healthy way.  Work hard, play hard, shop smart.  Finding the balance between the every day and the added holiday to do’s, and finding the joy in the busy. Embracing the spirit of the holiday and not getting caught up in the consumer mania is easier for some more than others. The good busy people are able to resist the romance of over -acquiring. Staying focused helps them buy practical, buy less, and reduce the overwhelming holiday stress. They are enjoying the holiday frenzy.

Now for the bad busy.  We all are busy with our  jobs and/or just normal daily responsibilities.  No need to drown yourself in work commitment, holiday shopping, and operate in full throttle 24/7.  We are fragile.  Indeed, we are stressed, pressed for time, and overwhelmed, but we cannot be our best selves if we are constantly pushing the envelope.

In truth, being a workaholic and a shopaholic can prove to be fruitless, exhausting, and lead to burn-out. With the additional holiday pressure to get everything on your list done, you can easily drown in overwhelm and get caught up in a bad busy cycle.

What if I told you that if you stopped being so busy for a minute and relinquished a bit more more time to organize and manage your lifestyle better, you’d actually have MORE time? 

Here’s some helpful tips to reduce the bad busy;

  • Simply make a list of all the things you have to do, but then review the list again.  Now check off the things that only YOU have to do and delegate the rest. Figure out how to cut out a step. Do those things you love to do, and get help with the things you hate to do.
  • No need to spend the time or money on expensive wrapping paper.  Have the store wrap for you, or use shopping bags and stuff them with tissue paper.  Use stick-on labels instead of attaching gift cards. A huge time saver.
  • Simplify the complicated.  If possible, stay out of the stores and shop on-line. Avoid the long lines. They only add anxiety.
  • Don’t struggle with the “perfect” gift.  Buy gift cards.  They are always appreciated and they eliminate returns.
  • Buy clutter free gifts.  They are the most precious of all. Give the gift of time. Buy concert tickets, dinners, dance lessons, or spa treatments.  Be creative with your “love” gifts. They need not be expensive, just thoughtful.
  • Buy baked goods this year or store bought food, if this is too stressful for you.  Don’t feel guilty about it, your holidays will not be less happy.  Focus on the celebration with family and friends.
  • Forgive yourself if you didn’t have the time to send out holiday cards.  Don’t stress about it, let it go. It’s not the worse thing in the world. Maybe next year.

 

These are all small changes you can make to free up some more time to have fun!  Remember, “done is better than perfect!”

If you can’t enjoy this festive time, what’s the point? Now that you’ve  got a minute…Come join the conversation.  Are you good busy or bad busy?

 

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The ABC’s of Organizing: Simple But Not Easy

11/27/2012 By Nancy Borg With no comments yet

At one time or another, everyone will organize something.  In theory, it sounds like a pretty simple thing to do.  But it’s actually not so easy, especially if your intentions are to restore order to a really disorganized space.

First, you must make the real distinction between merely “straightening up,” and the methodical process of emptying a space entirely.  Huge difference.  It’s far simpler a task to just skim the surface of a drawer or clear a section of the floor, than to thoroughly deconstruct a complete space and re-organize it. I’m talking about space-altering organization.  Yep, that kind of organizing is another animal indeed.

If you’ve reached that point that you can no longer find anything in your cluttered spaces, it might be time to consider a space make-over. But before you toy with the idea of being more organized, you might first consider these ABC’s prior to undertaking any of the spaces in your home.  This will help you put thought to action.

  • “A”-  Assess:  Take a look around and see if you can identify the trouble spots.  What is not working for you?  Where does the bulk of your clutter seem to land?  How long has it been like this?  Has any specific life event contributed to this neglected mess?

 

  •  “B”-  Be the Change:  Consider your options.  We can all agree that if you don’t change the way you think about things, then essential nothing will really ever change.  Implementing new organization to your life could be a game changer.  So ask yourself, are you ready to make significant changes in your life and what are the consequences of remaining disorganized?

 

  • “C”-  Commit:  Once you’ve decide to change your old habits, you must committo the actual process.  Junk in drawers, clothing piles in closets, paper towers on desktops, or cluttered counter tops are not going to miraculously vanish by themselves. You must do the work. In order to tackle the project, you must schedule it to happen. Think about how much time you will need to carve out of your day or weekend to begin the process. The challenge is, of course, to stay committed until the task is completed.

 

The next step is how to begin.  Where do you start? What to keep or toss? When do you pause? No matter which room or small space you choose, (or whether it be things or paper), the basic principles of organizing are the same.  They are easy to comprehend but are often difficult to execute by yourself.  Here’s the simplified and very abridged version.

  1. Bundle “like” items with “like” items to evaluate the inventory. Eliminate overabundance.
  2. Sort items you want to keep into categories.
  3. Toss the broken or unusable into trash or recycle.
  4. Donate those items that no longer serve a purpose in your life.
  5. Then and only then, decide how you want to store and containerize your wanted items for easier retrieval.

 

If you become overwhelmed with this method and get stuck in the decision-making process, you will most likely lose the drive to continue. Very often, because it is so difficult to measure what is too much, or discern how much sentimental clutter to let go of, you don’t let any of it go.

Don’t feel the need to go it alone.  Seek out a  Professional Organizer who has the expertise to guide and provide you with the strategies to help complete the process.  Trust in the organizing process because it works.  But don’t underestimate it either, it can be daunting.

So before you begin, get your ABC’s in place, and perhaps a trained professional can coach you the rest of the way through. A simple solution for a not so simple task. If only it could be as easy as 1-2-3.

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